Thursday, November 10, 2011

Ten Thousand Joys

There was a song that my mom and I used to sing in church years ago. Ten Thousand Joys. When I was thinking about a theme for my blog today, this song came to mind. I have a lot going on with my health right now. I think I have lost a little weight which is cool but my other issues don't make me think of ten thousand joys *lol* BUT I do know that Gos wants us to praise him in our storms and thank him regardless knowing that He has a plan. So, I am reminded of ten thousand joys. Sweet son of God, he came to me, and my heart sings, because I know that He is mine, in Him I find, ten thousand joys-enough to last through all my years enough to last through all my years, enough to shine through all my tears-ten thousand joys!

Friday, October 28, 2011

What Faith Can Do

Faith can move mountains! It can open doors and close them in a matter of seconds, days or hours. It's all a matter of timing! I have seen God's timing really well over the last few months. I get excited every time I see God move again. The song by Kutlas, What Faith Can Do, I have showcased before but maybe someone missed it. You should not miss it! *lol* Although I have not had much time to blog because I have been working, driving to or from work, or school finals this past week, I do not wish to let anyone think that God is not alive and well in my life. He is definitely been working overtime. I had a place in Michigan fall through in a matter of 2 days and then a place open up in New Castle, In. I had the key to the place within 4 hours even though I had no money down. The landlord didn't as for references. I would not have had any. The electric department didn't ask for a deposit. And until I can get the gas on, I have an electric skillet and an electric heater that heats the quaint house. God is soooo good! Then I found out yesterday or the day before (my days have been running together) that Grace Bible School is sending me an official YOU ARE ACCEPTED letter to their online courses and that in the past there was not the business/ministry major online but NOW there is starting when I start. So the three years done at Phoenix will not have been in vain even though I need and desire the ministry certificate as well. I will only have 50 credits to finish out with Grace even though I thought it would be more. Which may be why God wanted me to GO to Grace but not MOVE to the campus. lol Either way, I am game. But the place He has provided to live in is adorable and the best little country oasis.

Now I am looking for what faith can do in the form of a JOB CLOSER TO MY NEW HOME. I would like at least 9 bucks an hour to start. I need benefits (like who does not?) and I need the gas to be able to be turned on. Oh yeah and God gave me a bed for 25 every other week til it is paid off. brand new. :) yeah! Now off to work. Please don't pass up the song! It's awesome!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

God's Love & Grace

I think I have fallin in love with the words to this song. Dara MacLean has got some strong pipes and she uses them for God. I can't wait to get my music ministry degree. I know some may think I have kinda lost my pump because I have had less time to write in my blogs. But I have a 53 hour week coming up at work as well as this last week was pretty hectic. I am chased by God and He will move the universe to allow me to get a place in Michigan in His time so I can get into classes by January 9th. I am STILL looking forward to this time to be at Grace Bible College. Thank you everyone for all your prayers. I definitely still need those prayers.

A FEW THANK YOUS: GOD is AWESOME! My family has been very loving and supportive of getting to Grace in Grand Rapids. I have had several blessings recently and one is my CAR INSURANCE being paid up til MARCH! SWEET! and then also God finally gave me a COUCH instead of the big bed I was in.

I do enjoy watching God move the universe just to prove to me that He loves me as I am and even in my sin he reaches down and gives me His grace and mercy. Can't get over it!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

God's Time

I am at a loss sometimes in this walk. I know my path now. I know where it leads. In two-ish months I will be in Michigan and I am getting into a crunch time where I am worried things just won't go the way I know they need to. There are so many things to be done and not enough time. And if I give notice at work for the first week in December I am at a loss if I do not get a job right away for paying on my truck. Should I wait til after Christmas? I have family I would wanna see on Christmas anyway... grrrr So frustrated. Please pray for me. I need so much prayer. I need to make the right timing decisions. I already know what the decision is. The when is what I am concerned about at the moment... Some of this song does not relate to me but much of it does. The CHORUS especially!!!! I'm needing God's bigger plan. Miracles happen in God's time.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

My Royal Heritage

It was only a matter of time before I talked about this. So, I am sure so many remember the last wedding of royalty that occurred in the first part of this year. How many stations shared the wedding? How many HOURS and DAYS were spent on the coverage of this royal wedding? Kate's beauty, the Prince's walk... The Queen of England's yellow outfit (ok..I am going to leave that alone) and it got me thinking about my own genealogy. Oh! You didn't know? I am royalty! But I ran away from home.

I was thinking of the prodigal son and how he had sold all he had just to live in the filth of pigs and eat the nasty leftovers from their slop. So many times believers in Christ do not consider themselves loved by the Father. If they did, would they really leave the castle as if running from all the richness that could have sustained them in hope and love and peace? I do not believe I understood the concepts of God's love for sure. I heard that story of the prodigal for years and thought: what was wrong with him that he would leave those who loved him and take all his money and gifts, talents and the home God had given him and go out and party with the in crowd until the money was blown and he had no where to go but the slop house... I didn't get it. And in my humanity I did the SAME thing.

I left my family with my talents of God and walked out on the love and care God had provided and wasted my time on earthly desires and the things of the world that could never compare to the riches I was turning away from. If you read the story of the prodigal son there are a few things that strike me as so AWESOME about the King (Father) that waits for His child to run back into His arms.

1. In verse 17 of chapter 15 in John the Bible states: "and when he came to his senses"... HAHAHAHA which would be to say, he was not thinking correctly. He was as my dad so lovingly put it a few years back, DELUSIONAL. So... The son had to come to his senses.

2. Later it says: "I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. So, yes, I had to do this to. I have asked many for forgiveness and if I missed you it is not intentional. Please message me.

3. He didn't just think it. He did something about it. in verse 20 it says: "So he got up and went to his father." - ACTIONS now happen!

4. The best part of the whole thing shows of God's love: "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." Did you get that??? The father was looking for the son's return! He saw him from a ways away. and HE WAS FILLED WITH COMPASSION. Not hate, regret, anger, shame... COMPASSION. I am not negating that God cannot look on sin. But on the sinner God has compassion!

5. Not only did the Father see him from afar have compassion for him, he also RAN TO HIS SON, embraced him! He meets us as we come to Him. He does not make us walk the whole distance back to palace. He comes, meets us while we are traveling to Him and when He meets us there, he embraces us! What a WELCOME HOME!

6. It does not end. there is more: "Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. Was it anything like that big party that the Royal House in England had for the wedding there? Either way it must have been something huge because the other brother got pretty jealous.( I am not touching that in this blog - Thank the Lord I do not have family members like this. My brother and sister have been so wonderful in my return to the Lord and my earthly family.

It is such an awesome movement of God that goes on when someone finally comes to their senses. :) I see God's miracles in my life now more than ever and I thank Him so much for His grace and mercy in my life and for the blessing of my family. They are so precious.

*** If you are a child of the King, then you are royalty!!!! Doesn't that just make you excited!!!??? Ok, if you are not at least SMILING about it, then maybe you should come to YOUR senses ;) hehe

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

"He's A Keeper!"

I remember as a teenager and as a young adult I would hear people refer to someone they thought was good for someone else as a 'keeper'. I always wondered what a 'keeper' looked like. Now, looking back I have figured this whole thing out by trial and mainly error!!! A 'keeper' is by lose definition someone that you would keep around because they are a good addition to your life. Not even just for looking for a date or a marriage partner, there are people that we allow in that are not 'keepers'. Maybe they are there just for a moment in your life to show you something deeper. Either way, letting go of people that are not 'keepers' can be easier said than done. I think that mentally we get hooked to the idea of the person being there for us for better or for worse whether they are good for us in better or worse. You know what I mean? So as I move forward God has showed me a 'Keeper'. He is my 'Keeper' and once He brings the earthly one in my life that my dad and mom also say "He's a keeper!" I will hold onto the fact that there is a way to know whether someone is a 'keeper' or not.

When God was wooing me back into His loving arms a song played on Klove radio. And the gist of this song is Ps 19:14, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight o Lord, my strength and my redeemer." It talks about doing EVERYTHING to the glory of God, even what we consider the mundane (aghhh! like my job) haha And it was sticking with me that the part of me I was not sharing with God was not being able to be done to His glory. My meditations and the words of my mouth, I could not see as acceptable to my redeemer. So here I am... Lonely physically but yet not so lonely. I have a Keeper! And to spin the word differently now, He also KEEPS me. He does not just love me. He loves you. Whoever you are, where ever you have been. Whatever you have done and where you are RIGHT NOW. He loves you. He is a Keeper and He can show you who the 'keepers' in your life should be.

Monday, September 26, 2011

His affections for me are more pure than earthly affections

So much more are His affections for me. Oh how He loves me. It is what I hold onto with a death grip right now in my moments of despair. I am mourning so many losses in my life right now but such beautiful gains as well. Right now I must be like a tree planted by rivers of His waters. and as the storms weigh down, I know that my roots reach deep into the ground to not be blown down in this hurricane I am going through. My emotions are raw and I am bewildered by what some people define love is. How did I have such a loose definition of it myself in the past!!!??? Deluded. I had diluted the saving message and mercy of Christ. I am so glad He loves me even in my humanness. "Don't have time to maintain these regrets" me God with my thoughts and my grief weighs down so heavy sometimes and I just need to be held in your arms. Continue to show me this love. Your love.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Speak to Me

Today church was awesome, but then I enjoy The Bridge every Sunday! We have been hitting on the Love of God and how we love Him back. Of course this hits me in the time in my life when I have run to seek His face and I am falling more in love with Him daily. This is the song He gave me today. I will share more writings as well.

Speak to Me by Karin-Rochelle

Though the walls and rooms in my house
are empty
and the echo is all I hear
God, I know you are with me
You allow me to see clearly...

Speak to me-
in the storms of life
Speak to me-
in the calm of the night
Speak to me-
I count on your voice
to echo in my heart-
Speak to me...

Though the cuts are deep
and the wounds are ugly
Earthly lovers all pass away
The house echoes with my tears
yet, you push away my fears

So speak to me-
in the storms of this life
Speak to me-
in the calm each night
Speak to me-
I covet your voice
Please echo in my heart
Lord, Speak to me...

Here is another one:

Can't Run

I can't run away anymore
I hear you pounding at my heart's door
And there is nothing left for me here---
Empty rooms and echoing halls
I'm hollowed out as the tears fall
Tired of living in the world's lies
I can't run

Hear my cries
rescue me
romance my heart
here lies all of me...
now, dead to sin
new life begins
in you...

Lord hear my heart's cry
Save me from myself
Yes, I am the vine
You are the branches
I'm now engages in you
I cannot do things my own way
Only thing now I can say

Hear my cries
rescue me
romance my heart
here lies all of me...
now, dead to sin
new life begins
in you...

I cannot run anymore
I cannot run anymore
I cannot run anymore
I cannot run anymore

I hope that the words touch someone's heart. I do not believe that He gives them to me to hide in a book somewhere gathering dust. I believe if He lays something on the heart, it is because someone needs to hear it. I needed to hear it for sure.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Guarded Hearts: Part 2

Have you ever listened to all the songs playing infinitely on the radio??? It's a co-dependent nightmare!!! Can you imagine how much love we would truly feel and act on if we felt the way we feel about certain people during 'puppy love' about the One who saved us? And example: "How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you? I want to know...How could I ever, ever survive? How do I oh How do I oh how do I live?" How many times have I sang that song by Trisha Yearwood in the past and hoped beyond all hope that these words were meant for the person I was with? It saddens God when we depend on a human to help us breathe or give us a reason for living, when HE is the one that has made it possible for us to live.

I am working on this God-dependent thing which helps me guard my heart. The praise song like: You are my all in all is the stuff that makes up my new heart cry. Lord, help me to Guard my heart. Allow me to fall more in love with you. Help me to see how you complete me." In Your name, Amen

I wrote a few songs tonight. This is one of them:


In this world of confusion
where loves are lost and won
How many times has my heart been crush
and left as a lonely one?

(Chorus)Who can I find that knows my heart
that knows my mind like you do?
Who can I love that has my soul
sheltered from all storms?
And I'm not searching anymore, Lord
You're the one I've been looking for!

In these times: life is frail
and earthly loves all fade and fail
But, Lord, you've been here through it all
And here you are again- you catch me when I fall!

(chorus) And who can I find that knows my heart
that knows my mind like you do?
Who can I love that has my soul
sheltered from all storms?
Oh I'm not searching anymore, Lord
You're the one I've been looking for!

Ohhhh forever after is a long time after
even after I am gone
And forever I will be
forever in your loving arms...


Dear Lord, Let me see you as the reason that I live and the reason I live...Hillsong sings their own love song like this:

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Guarded Hearts: Part 1

Turns out there is reason or two or three that God has given for guarding our hearts. It is not so you don't have the ability to love. It is so you love people correctly.Wait? There is a wrong way to love? Yup... Explain when someone becomes so important to you that you become a sponge of only what pleases them or what pleased you when you are with them? What about putting that relationship above God? Some would argue that God was not talking about relationships when He said :Have no other gods before Me. But how else do you define a god, than an idol? Someone or something that you put above Him? And yet, if we were to follow the request to guard our heart, then how does one do it???

I am reading a book called, The Sacred Romance, How to Draw Closer to God. It shares different scriptural ways to help each lover of God guard their heart so they ca focus on the things in life that really matter. I'm game! I will be sharing as I learn...

We have been inundated by movies like Jerry McGuire with romantic notions like "you....complete me." Yeah. Cinderella...Aren't we all in search for "You are my happily ever after?" "You are my everything, I swear the only thing that matters matters to me..." "You're a million..."

In Proverbs 4 verse 23 says..."above all else; Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." Wow. The wellspring of life???? It must be pretty important then. Yet for some reason each of us in life experiences a heart trampled on, broken, torn a part, mistreated and misplaced. Imagine! This same heart of yours is COVETED by God. Your heart, my is our most prized possession or why put so much emphasis on it???

The moment a relationship takes the place of God, it becomes an idol. We are created by God in His image. We have an inner desire to be appreciated, desired, cared for accepted... But the problem is that we seek this acceptance and care from others that also desire to be appreciated, desired and cared for. So as it was explained to me so well today, "both of you are a sponge. what you lack, the other has and vice-verso. So when you receive what you lack from the other and that person from you, it seems like the puzzle is complete, except for the fact that you were not created to be filled this way. That puzzle piece is a lie. It takes the place of what God is able to do in you. So as you pull away you feel the damage, the hurt, the sorrow of loss." These feelings are because of an unguarded heart. I am not talking about a healthy marriage. I am talking about a co-dependent relationship of any kind where someone takes the place of God in your mind and life, even when you do not realize it has happened.

God says in Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."

Ps. 138:8 "The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands."

These verses and many others speak of the One who can perfect or complete me. It mentions nothing of earthly relationships doing what these songs and movies that we have incorporated into our everyday lives of mushy completion that give us this false thought process of a human being able to complete or finish something in us that God has already told us that HE IS THE COMPLETER.

I am on a new journey. I wish to share it with all who will desire a closeness with God that passes an earthly understanding. I am just starting to understand...maybe an 1/8 of an understanding...I will probably never get to the whole as we see through a clouded glass until heaven. I can't begin to comprehend the love of my Father in Heaven but...

The point to this blog: I am already complete. You (if you are a believer in Christ) are already complete. There is nothing to search for. God delights in His children. He delights in me. He delights in you. This life is full of people that desire that same completeness. What do we do with that knowledge? Who do we share THAT kind of love with? How many times will you give your heart away? If I guard my heart, I will be able to love as God created me to love.

I know this blog was long. Thank you for joining me on my hearts' journey. I hope it becomes your hearts' journey as well. :) With Love in Christ, Karin~Rochelle

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Open Doors: When God Says Yes!

Psalms 37 is an awesome chapter. Actually God has directed my attention many times this last few days to verse 5. "Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will act." This verse is all about ACTION. My action and THEN His. Many people, including myself first and foremost do this whole 'word vomit' thing(read previous article entitled 'Word Vomit') where we say we love God and we want Him to bless us continually. And yes His favor falls on the just and the unjust -as the Bible states-BUT His promises are there for His children. You know, the promises of never leave or forsake, or be with me in times of need, or take care of what I will eat or wear...those types of things are taken care of. But even MORE SO when you have done what this verse states:
1.) Commit my way to the Lord.
2.) Trust in Him

I saw God in ACTION TODAY! I was so excited. I know God wants me in Grace Bible College but I was kind of frustrated because I had been told that I was 'too old' for dorm life. It was alright. I like my space anyway. But any other option of renting my own place? ha! No. Financially I have already walked into enough messes. So, then after talking with the woman in charge of campus living, she emailed me a few ideas. I called the second one. I was so excited and so was she because NO ONE had contacted her regarding the opportunity of the housing that she was offering. WHY? I believe it is because GOD IS AWESOME! I Committed my way to the Lord, Trusted Him and He then ACTED on His PROMISE to provide for His child.

The song that keeps coming to mind is one that annoyed me the first time I heard it. I thought...ewwww it sounds like a kids song for Vacation Bible School! And so then God scolded my thought. "If you would have just followed with that child like faith before then a lot of stuff would be moot right now. Listen to the words. I'm talking to you." lol So...yeah. Nothing like being chastised by God but then it was so delightful to see his promises in action. Daily I see the provisions but this is one of those major doors that needed to be opened in order for me to get to that specific college.

So, without further ado... John Waller, YES He does not just sit back and watch us flail around. Once you commit your way to Him, He makes a way even when it seems there is NONE. Sometimes it is lonely with all the changes. But there is delight in seeing God working in me and around me. There are times when God says YES. I am taking Him at His Word.
I wrote this prayer last night before my answer of provision today came:
God, you say to commit my way to you and trust in you and you will act. All I am asking for is you to fulfill your promise to me. Then in another verse you say WAIT. Aghhhhhhhhhhh God, I don't want to wait. I live in a microwave world--- popcorn in under three minutes--- a movie from red box in an instant--- direct deposit --- instant mash potatoes and drive thru within two minutes once at the window (except for at Arby's ha!) But you want me to be still and WAIT? grrrr. Ok. But do I have to like it????
Then today happened. He loves me. He loved me yesterday when I was asking Him to pick me up and place me where He has told me many times that He wants me. It is relevant to my daily living this verse. And this song. The words are so basic SO BIBLE. I need that. Back to the basics ;) Back to my first love.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Real Love

Tonight I have seen more exposure of false love, false hope, false security, false pretenses, false reality all at one table spilling out of one mouth. I do not say all this to judge anyone. I just have NEVER paid attention to how other people speak of love, hope, security, and the reality in everyday life. It is so sad as one person states that he will 'get her if he wants her'. He gloats of his looks and his status in the military and how it is what it is and he will have what he wants. Certainly it saddens my heart to hear such gloating. But MORE it hurts my heart that ladies and girls WILL fall for his lies, his looks and be damaged by his hands and his words as he leaves each of them with less self respect. But whose fault is it really? How many times has a woman just sat back and enjoyed the flirting and the looks of admiration and delighted in the attention of a liar? I am not above it! I have been the receiver of this kind of attention. And I have in turn been left to feel empty when the party was over. Why do we do it? Why do we think that we are SO DESPERATE for attention that we would fall into this trap of the devil.
Okay, so here it is...In church a few weeks ago, the pastor told a story about TRUE LOVE; REAL LOVE.
A woman was so busy living on every man's attention based on how she dressed and how she felt when others paid attention to her. He asked he WHY she dressed that way. She stated that she enjoyed the attention. It made her feel loved, special, adored. Then is the great part. The pastor asks how much righteousness GOD has within Him. The woman, a believer in Christ, stated that God is ALL righteousness. SO the pastor says: On a scale of 100% being FULL/ALL righteousness and 0% being none, what percent of righteousness is God? She says...Well, 100%, of course!
The pastor then asks, so out of 100% righteousness, when God says He has imputed HIS righteousness into you when you became a child of His, what percentage did he impute? She says: ALL of it. Then, the best part of the whole story that changed how I look at myself: "If God has imputed 100% of His righteousness within you, how can you feel WORTHLESS? You can't get more righteous than 100%. No one's compliments and eyes of affection are going to top God's 100% correct?"
And this is what it comes down to...whether I was partially the blame for the date rape that happened to me or not, it made me feel like trash. I felt worthless. And because I did not tell the people that loved me and could have helped me through it, I lived in regret and blame. The only time I could feel appreciated was if I was being complimented or living for the next guy's attention.
What about now? After that story I realize that it does not change the 100% righteousness of God that was imputed into me when Christ saved me. I do not NEED approval of anyone to make me feel pretty, loved, appreciated, adored. God loves me more than any person on this earth could ever love me. Who in this world could impute 100% righteousness into YOU? Do you feel worthless even though you are a child of the King of all creation? I pray that you will see God as I see Him now: Savior, friend, fortress...We all need a savior. But no earthly person can BE OUR SAVIOR not a human that lifts us up in false admiration, giving us false hope...A Savior. Who is your Savior?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I am Not Forsaken

Psalms 46 speaks of how the mountains can crumble to the sea and God is still forever. his steadfast love still works as life is crumbling and out of place. This is a song God gave me today after reading Psalms 46.

Not Forsaken

All the world may fall apart
and the mountains crumble to the sea
My heart may sigh within my chest
But I know He still knows
what is best for me.

He's my refuge in my time of trouble
My fortress while I'm in the rubble
And as I'm bound for the unknown
His grace it overthrows!
I shall not fear, I shall not fear!
I am not forsaken!

All the world may fall apart
The stars crash to the ground
and while I seek
for answers
God is found...

He's my refuge in my time of trouble
My fortress while I'm in the rubble
And as I'm bound for the unknown
His grace overthrows!
I shall not fear! I shall not fear!
I am not forsaken!

My help in times of trouble
My guide while I cannot see
Bound and determined with new hope
His love has captured and amazed me
I shall not fear! I shall not fear!
I am not forsaken!

*If you are going through life's struggles, no matter what you are or what you have done, God loves you and can bring you through. Just remember: "He never leaves nor forsakes us."
I can feel like I am drowning from all the stuff going on around me...OR I can see the castle in the middle of it all. My REFUGE, MY FORTRESS, MY GOD.
And sometimes in the middle of the just have to let go. This is what I am learning now...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Sometimes the Storm Persists read that statement right. Sometimes the storm will keep on going. It does not mean that God has stopped loving me. It does not mean that He will not comfort in the middle of my trials. He is Holy, even if He does not rescue me. I put myself in a precarious situation. I have not denied that I have made a mess. And while I have prayed that God will help me to get out of it... Sometimes the answer is not the way I think it should be. I know that it will all work out. In the middle of this wreck of my life where I have dumped myself into a really large hole, I know that God sees me looking up. I know he sees my broken heart and my contrite spirit. And I really believe at this point, He wants me to praise Him even though I feel lost and helpless. I know I am not lost. I know I am in His hands. Sometimes He does not step in and 'save the day'. There are consequences when we do not do what He requests, when He requests. That does not prove Him unholy. It just proves me unworthy until His love covers me. He hears my cries. Like David, I have had to turn to Him after sinning against Him. His mercy covers my every stain. Now I wait on Him and in the waiting I will lift my hands and recognize HE IS THE I AM. I will praise Him in THIS storm.

Monday, September 12, 2011

All I Need

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Ok. Now that I have your attention, this is how I have felt today. I know what God's plan is but I am just so stretched in my faith. I seem to know better than God about timing. Ha! It won't happen in my time. So not only are the bills due and the amount of paycheck not enough to pay all the debt (again) then I find out that the idea for a dorm may fall through because people my age normally live off campus. Yeah my age. Yep, 12 years ago, this would not have been an issue. So I sent an email to the lady in charge of dorms for the women and asked if she had any other ideas based on my financial situation. Now I am WAITING again. It was the one thing I thought I had figured out. So, then I start listening to this song... So yeah, no matter what the answer is, God is all I need. He will do it. whatever IT is. I just have to "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage. Wait on the Lord."

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Asking for Forgiveness

Seems to be the habit in my life lately... *lol* It is not about an apology. Anyone can give a reason for their actions. I was selfish. That is my reason but more nitty-gritty is actually humbling yourself to ask someone to forgive you when you know you have hurt them.

Psalms 32:1 says "Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven: whose sin is covered"! I would like to take a moment and tell you what I am covered by... Psalms states in SO MANY CHAPTERS that I am covered by God's steadfast love. There are too many verses here to quote. Please take some time on your own and read of this love! It amazes me that with everything I have done in my past that God's steadfast love covers EVEN ME.

Psalms 26:2-3 "Prove me O Lord, test my heart and mind- For your steadfast love is before my eyes and I walk in your faithfulness." When you are hit smack in the face with what your sin has done to others as well as to yourself, that is when God can take you, a broken vessel, and breath new life. I have been remade in Jesus Christ. I am more than the problems that I have created in my past 12 years.

So, you have my apology. My reason for my past choices is the sin of selfishness. I desired my will instead of God's will in my life. I have already gone to my family and my parent's church and asked for forgiveness. It was wonderful to be welcomed with open arms. There are many people that know of my past choices and sin because FACEBOOK helps create a gossip train. For those that have known of my sin and prayed for me and my relationship with God, I thank you and ask you as well for forgiveness.

Finally, God showed me my testimonial verses which I am sure many have come to claim as their own. They are a powerhouse of God's STEADFAST LOVE.

Psalms 40:1-3 "He drew me out from the pit of destruction and out of the miry clay - Set my feet on a rock and He is now MAKING MY STEPS SECURE and put a new song in my mouth."

If you know me personally, you know that I have been singing in church off and on since I was a child. I was leading worship in my dad's church until I walked away from God, my family and my church home. I do not know everyone who has heard of my sin. But the Bible does say that "your sin will find you out". If you would like to pass this testimony of God's steadfast love and grace to another person who you think will benefit from it, then by all means share it with whoever you will. It is time that the truth is spoken about instead of my past transgressions.

Thank you for your continued prayer in my life and for hoping in Christ for my return.

Oh! Almost forgot! The song today is "You Are More" By Tenth Avenue North. It speaks of how we are more than the choices that we have made because of ALL THAT CHRIST IS AND DOES.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Don't Look Back

The Afters have a song called "Never Going Back To O.k." The song talks about how life the way it was was just OK. Now there is a new resolve within myself to not go back to how it was EVEN THOUGH there is pain and loneliness when I am thinking of the loss. There is hurt when you separate yourself from bad choices that use to make you feel good. No matter what there will be a time of mourning the loss of people that you care about. I won't lie. It feels like a knife is cutting a way at my heart sometimes. It is drastic surgery, but I believe it is a needed surgery of the heart and God is working daily. I talk to myself: Be strong in Him. All of the physical and emotional relationships that I have cultivated over the years that were not for His glory are not as important as God is in my life. I cannot go back to the way it was. There is a new day and it is today. All the choices I have made, whether they hurt at times or not.. I cannot see myself in yesterday. Those past relationships did not keep me grounded in Him and my choices were based on selfishness.

In selfishness I made many decisions that hurt so many people including my family. I cannot take it back. But I do not have to go back and cause others pain again. There is a man in the Bible names Jabez. While it does not mention a lot about him (in fact only 2 verses)The lesson in his life is very clear.1 Chronicles 4:9
And Jabez was more honorable than his brethren: and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, Because I bare him with sorrow.
10. And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldst bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldst keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested

#1. He was more honorable than his brethren.
#2. He prayed that God would do several things for him
a.)that God would bless him
b.)that God would enlarge his territory (the people and places that he had influence on)
c.)that God would be with him
d.)God would keep him from evil
e.)that he would not cause pain
#3. God granted him these things.
It says in the first verse: Because he was more HONORABLE.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement in following the Lord and His will in my life. I pray that I will be more honorable. I have not been honorable in my walk in the past and I'm never going back to OK.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

100% complete in Christ means Co-dependancy just walks out the door.

So no matter what, I believe God is faithful. I have been through a whole lot in the last 12 years...All of my adult life... I have made decisions for myself. I made decisions that hurt others and myself over and over again. Now...Now I see God's will in my life prevailing and it is because I finally surrendered the CONTROL I believed was mine to give and receive and wield like a sword. It was my undoing..this control. Last evening I went to my first ever Celebrate Recovery meeting. I went because I was invited by a sister in Christ. I was so touched. I went thinking "OK we all have issues. I am sure I have at least one or two and I will learn how to deal with them." Uh huh. One or two. Nope. 4 or 5 is more the shakedown. I have some major heart issues that God is doing some surgery on right now. No wonder I have hit rock bottom while thinking I was doing what was best for Karin all these years. I had to control it. Not it... Everything since that date rape 12 years ago. And I am not condoning the choices I have made. I just see WHY I have reacted instead of letting GOD work in me. Granted, I have had many times when I have allowed Him access to my voice for praise and my hands for service and my words for prayer and supplications. But there is more to God than me SAYING He has control ALL THE TIME in EVERY CHOICE I MAKE. I have acted on my own so many times that it is no wonder I am where I am. But as I recognize this now and ask God for forgiveness and direction I KNOW that he will make a way in my brokenness for He works even now because He is faithful.
Neither one of my marriages had a chance. Because I was selfish and refused to let God work. I told Him what I wanted to work and how I knew it COULD work but I never gave the reigns over to my Lord. Now all I can do is know that God is all I need. His faithfulness, grace and loving kindness are what He calms me with. It is rough. The choice I made a few weeks ago to turn my relationship over to God and learn to be loved God's way instead of my own does not come without a price. Sometimes it is lonely. Heart wrenching. Honestly I have felt like a friend has died. That already happened in March (when I lost my friend Elaine to congestive heart failure). So It is a mourning experience all over again and I was just learning to live with that loss.
This is a longer blog than normal and if you are still reading, will you please pray for me to accept God's plan in my life. I know He has one. I know I have finally made the first steps in this newer life in Christ. I still believe in his faithfulness even with this sad broken heart and a spirit now humbled. No one can complete me as I have searched for. It is not fair for anyone to seek out someone else to fill a gap that only God has the power to fill. 100% complete already. Jesus did that for me. I have no need to be co-dependent and seek affections from anyone. God's love is bigger than that.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Never Be

There is a song that me and my dad use to sing in church. It talks of how there is never a heart so wounded that God cannot piece it together. There is never a sinner that God cannot forgive and douse with His love and grace. Seems like we make our own rules on if God will forgive one sin over another. I believe there is a sin unto death as the Scripture states. But I am glad I did not find it. Now another thought on this is that we have to die to sin daily. And I will not lie. This dying to self is a struggle.
A friend reminded me today that tears flow at night and joy comes in the morning. I am not dead. I have a new life in Christ. Sometimes I may feel like I am at my wits end but only because I get emotionally caught up in all my feelings. God is bigger than all of this.
It seems like God has been brought me full circle now. I have this soul desire to be used the right way for him. There is so much I have been involved with and of the world. After talking to my ex-husband, it has come to my attention that I need some more divine perspective and guidance...In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and HE will direct your paths... I need much directing. *LOL* Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly....but his delight is in the Law of the Lord... Yes, much direction. Aghhhh this is going to be an interesting ride. Who would like some prophetic art? (oh yes, it works because it is God focused and God driven not self seeking like the tarot cards that I have just made a commitment to give up.) I cannot find a scripture reference that says it is WRONG to read tarot. But I can find reference of God's direction in my life to follow a bigger plan that does not need these cards to be the focus. And therefore... I will acknowledge HIM not the cards and even more than I have been I will commit it to my Spirit. I know it is shocking for many of my readers to know that I have been involved in tarot cards but listen, I have been involved in many things that have taken me away from the heart of God and this blogging experience is to allow people to see how God can bring me back. I am a sinner that is redeemed by the same blood that redeems you. And I have come out of a lot. It was just a matter of time before God got that habit of mine too ;)
Oh listen to this song! It is so awesome!

Prayer in Time of Need

I found a scripture this morning that called out to my heart and I would ask that anyone that is reading this or 'following' my blog posts would pray this over my life right now. Ps. 32:7 "You are a hiding place for me. You preserve me from trouble; you surround me with SHOUTS of deliverance."
No one else has the power to get me where I need to be. I have made decisions that have put me here. But God does not want me here. I know where He wants me. He has told me of His heart's desire fro my life. I just want that now. In Jesus Name I pray God's deliverance, Jesus' blood and Holy Spirit's comfort as I go through these chances in my life...

Monday, September 5, 2011

In a moment of need

I was reading other blogs. I am not going to lie. I am lonely and I live in a town where all but one of my friends is also friends to my ex. So it is the holiday and I spent the beginning part of the day with my friend Brandon. Had a great time and he cooked wonderful bbq chicken for me. Then we hung out at Starbucks for a while. By 6 he had other plans so I decided after he went home I would just hang at Starbucks alone to do homework. Problem... The homework was a DISC test (personality assessment). Yeah. I dove in as I love assessment tests (ha!) and found out all my shortcomings. Oh don't get me stated what was right about me too but I was so focused on the shortcomings and I got really discouraged about who I am. Then of course I was bored out of my mind from not wanting to finish the homework assignment and was searching other blogs and found one that had this video. I am listening now on repeat. Finding more consolation in the fact that God loves me where I am and He will work through me. I really appreciate any and all support and prayers from those of you who read my blogs. You have no idea how much.

I'm in Better Hands

So many things are topsy-turvy, not knowing the where or the how and only knowing the WHY of my newest decisions. As I was listing off the so many ways I feel screwed financially my sister reminded me of the verse in Matthew that states: Matthew 6:25Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?"
And then another that will solidify the thoughts: Luke 12:29
And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. and if two times is not enough...Luke 12:22
And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on.
So...hmmm I think God is saying that I should stop worrying about what HE CAN PROVIDE. He is a better provider than I am and I need to rely on Him. I am without a doubt better off than I was when I was making my decisions based on my own selfishness. I am in better hands now.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

A Right Kind of Craving

Chocolate is so yummy, the smell of brownies are enticing and sometimes we just know that all we need is some comfort food like my sister is making this evening...Curry over rice. YUMMY for my tummy! But that is not the type of craving I am talking about. I am talking about a soul craving. What is my heart's craving suppose to be? Just when we think we have it all figured out with life, God sweeps in and says something like, "Really? Who are you that tells the potter what to make with HIS clay?" and I sheepishly look down at a stone on the ground, stick my hands in my dirty jeans and kick at the dirt. "Ah, God, I thought I knew what I was doing this time too..." And God opens up His arms big enough to hold not just me in my ignorance or stupidity but the whole world and their messes too and say... "Just come as you are. Let me satisfy this longing in your heart. You don't need to fill it with the stuff of this world. Fill it with me. I long for you to be closer to me, one heart, one mind, one soul with you. An ultimate love relationship that puts all others to shame."

Here I am. So many years I have been trying to satiate a craving that only God could fill in the first place. And now "my heart longs for a touch from the Lord. To be welcomed into the arms of Him." This quote is from the song by Ray Watson. I would share a youtube video of it but it is not on the net :( You can find it on itunes ;)
A new hearts desire for my life. I fell asleep like a baby last night listening to it. Every time I woke up I would think of the words and what they truly mean to me.

There is a time in everyone's life I believe that they final get tired of searching and doing for themselves. They come to the point where they wonder if everything they have done is all there is to life or if they missed the moment that would have made a new shape to their reality.

As I crave new desires in my relationship with my First Love, my Abba Father, I also crave all the prayers that my friends and family have given. Lift them up to the Father. I believe He hears everyone. Including mine now. I also pray for you. That as you walk in the Light as He is in the Light, you will also have this right kind of craving.

Lord, my soul longs for you. Nothing else will do... All the ideas and the earthly love I have sought after are nothing compared to what you can give to me. I pray your will and way in my life FINALLY. Thank you for allowing another prodigal. Help me keep this right craving...

Friday, September 2, 2011

Rising Like the Sun...

Have you ever watched the sunrise? It is the most amazing beauty... A canvas different every time! God paints us these pictures for us and we aren't awake to see everyone. But even while some are sleeping, the sun is still doing it's thing. Somewhere it is rising. The song of my day (I heard it twice, yet again, once before work and once at my dinner time) "I will rise, out of these ashes, rise..." Here, have a listen...

I cannot keep from thinking about the changes that are happening in my life! I finally got the email today saying that I AM ENROLLED in Grace Bible College. This is what God asked me to do 12 years ago. What did I do? I put an earthly relationship over what He wanted and my time was past. Not because God took it from me, but because I gave it away...traded God's will for my own. While many times over the last 12 years I have questioned how I was going to get where I knew I should be for God, I did not focus on it. I pushed it aside. Maybe I just didn't figure God would take me back to that moment. I am not saying that I can get whatever blessings God had in store in that moment that I denied Him so many years ago...But I believe as I step into this great I rise out of these ashes that I have created in my life...well, ANYTHING is possible with God.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

If you have said no to God in the past, He can still use what is left of you and make it the best of you! He is doing it with me right now. I just want to testify...not of my past sins but of the fact that God's grace and mercy allows us to Rise like the sun, even while others are still sleeping. What are you waiting for?!

Filling a Void

One of my friends stated that if more people would fill the void with God when they lost a loved one that there would be less anguish in their lives. Not to say the suffering and mourning would not be there, but that their help from God in being a comforter would make it easier on them in the time of need.

I lost a special friend to congestive heart failure in March. Elaine was so tender and kindhearted. When I had nothing, she gave what she could to help. She also gave me a huge Christmas gift last year (my book being self published). It is not those gifts that I miss. It is her attitude of caring. Just a 'how are you doing?' can make such a difference in the life of someone who is going through a difficult time. Not the "How are you doing? Hey great to see you! Let's catch up sometime..." As your walking away from the person.

I recently broke up with my lover of 2 1/2 years. That person was my lifeline for that time. A friend I went to when I needed a hug, someone to talk to, someone to listen. That relationship was always the center focus in my mind. God took second place.

When I acted on the call of God to separate myself from the relationship a big void was put in it's place. And emotional turmoil set camp in my heart and loneliness started to pick at my insides.

I have been reading Psalms since day one of the separation and I know if I had not been plugging into God's word and encouragement from Godly counsel, that the void would be bigger than it is.

A song that comes to mind for this situation is Toby Mac's, "I Was Made to Love You". It talks about how our purpose in life is to love God. And in loving God, I believe we focus on the right love of others.

Yet again, I must say, I am not downplaying love of the marrying kind. I am downing love of a selfish kind. If the relationship is founded and grounded in God then move where God wants with it. Just remember, if it is right, then GOD'S love will shine through in that relationship to because what we are made to do is love Him.

Dear Lord, as I learn to trust you more, as I learn to love as you love, I know you will fill the emotional void that is in my life right now with a song ever flowing from your heart to my mind. Amen.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Everything is About to Change

A lot has been going on in my life. In the last few days I have had some pretty heavy emotions that I have had to lay at the alter. This morning I felt like nothing would ever turn out right. I received an email from a family friend reminding me of how she prays for me. When I headed to work I just kept thinking how stuck my situation is and how frustrating it is...then right before a song came on Klove radio, the statement "He picks us up and lifts us out of the valley". Right before I walked into work with a heavy heart the newest son from Mercy Me played.
Then I went into work with a more cheerful heart. :) When I came out from work tonight there was a song that just started... *lol* The same one I started my workday with. I believe God is telling me something is about to change and there's gunna be brighter days.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"She's With Me"

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that being married or falling in love is a bad thing. I am just saying, as a 33 year old divorced woman of two marriages, when Christ is not the head of your self in the relationship then He cannot work much to keep it going. I have recently talked to one of my ex's and found that he is learning more of Christ's love and will for His life. I was a stumbling block in the end of our relationship. I have asked for his forgiveness. I am so grateful that He is back on God's narrow path again. Sometimes we have to do a U turn. ;)

"This thing called love..." Well, I have proven that I just cannot handle it on my own. I have made some pretty dumb decisions. If my life were a football game, well I would have gotten several touchdowns for the wrong team. When we make poor decisions it means something is wrong with our comunica-jesus meter.

Someone mentioned a specific word in my class last night. Discernment. Yup that is right. It is like a four letter word to many. It has always been time to have discernment. The problem is that you cannot discern correctly if you feed your sinful nature instead of your forgiven soul. When a relationship of any kind does not focus on God there will not be a good decision made.

When my first marriage was going south and I had no more trust to give, I gave up. And then jumped into a new relationship with a friend. After that marriage started going south I found myself in other bad situation where I thought that the feelings I had of love and sacrifice were more real than my past choices of love and attraction.

Now, I realize there is a habit that formed since my first negative sexual experience of date rape when I was 19... I have never cared enough for myself. I have felt neglected (not by my family-as they have loved and prayed for me daily) and not by God, because I have always seen his miracles. I just have not liked who I was. I felt dirty and lonely even in a crowded room of other people who cared about me. I cannot begin to explain that when someone feels unworthy of love they will do whatever they can not to feel that way. So it began at the age of 19 my struggle with finding love through sinful gratification.

I am only sharing that much for the sake of those who have been through this as well to understand that GOD'S LOVE is what has given me hope. His steadfast love has turned my mourning into dancing. My sorrow into joy. I have made some very bad choices while trying to find love in all the wrong ways. I have been many people's stumbling blocks.

My second ex husband has decided to go on a dating detox for his own reasons. I am also on what he would consider a dating detox. I am finding that the Love that God has imputed to me is His 100% righteousness. It covers all of my past feelings of dirtiness and unworthiness. After all, if a 100% righteous God douses you with Himself, how can you be unlovable!? It is not possible to be unlovable by a God who gave everything to have a personal relationship with you.

So as I have come to understand (it only took 13 years) God's Love is more wonderful than any one person can give me. I need a t-shirt that says "I'm with Him" and it has an arrow pointing up. Then he can have a t-shirt that says "She's with me." ;) Because the Lover of my soul that bought me years ago still picks me up of the ground, dusts me off and puts a beautiful robe of righteousness over me and if anyone asks who I am... He says, Don't worry about it, she's with me.

This is a new song by Jaimie Grace. 19 years old and very much in love with Christ. I am learning of this love...

A Bridge of Trust

So, tonight was awesome! Had a great few minute fellowship with an old friend. God's timing is so perfect. Seems like my devotional verses today were not meant for just me. I shared. So I will share again. Here it is in a nutshell.

Psalms 31:1&2 "In you, O LORD, do I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
in your righteousness deliver me! Incline your ear to me;
rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me,
a strong fortress to save me!"

My dad did a whole lesson plan of trusting God with this Bridge of trust diagram...Time for those basics in my life! *lol*

So, I realize it is not just me going through times of difficulty and I would like to just let others going through struggles of their own that GOD is a refuge. The best refuge you could ever hope to run to, because He is ABLE and desires to be the Love that you run to. I am so excited for all He is doing in my life. I am excited for all He is doing in other people's lives as well. There is a song I also must share. I wish I could say that God inspired ME to write it, but no, *lol* I am not the awesome writer of it. Fall Apart is sung by Josh Wilson. I love so many of his songs but this one speaks to the heart of me and where I am right now. I am sure others can make it their cry as well (just like the scripture shared above).

I pray your mercy, God, in my life. I thank you that I am finally coming to the end of me as my heartbreak brings me back to you...


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Faith...Yes it is beyond human reason

This is where I am right now! I know that my first Love takes care of me. I have seen Him in action before. Miracles take place in the 11th hour. And yet, here I am again saying more to myself for reassurance that I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is my deliver. Do I need one? Oh my, yes! I have so much on my plate right now. The moment I said YES to returning to my first love is the moment I seem to have dropped myself into a blender. The blades are so close. I have to trust that God knows best. Haha Father Knows Best...That is a really old show.

So, I found this pic and it seems to be exactly what God is calling me to. Give Him my worries, my fear, any left over indecision and just have a different frame of mind.

God, thank you for all you do for me. Thank you, ahead of time for your provisions. Thank you for the chance who have given me to change my life's direction.
Here's to another day!


Word Vomit; ie. Empty Promises

Let me just put out there right away, I do not intend to write pretty little words everyday for the sake of glorifying myself. I plan on speaking the truth, with the hope that someone who reads it will be turned away from their bad choices and moved to walk in the newness of Life through Christ. Most of the time honesty is harsh and I will not edit the fact that God has redeemed me from the wickedness of the world and I still struggle daily with my sin nature. On that note, I would like to write today about WORD VOMIT.

We have all spewed words of emptiness to someone else. Oh! We mean well, of that I am sure. "I will love you til my dying day!" "Nothing can every change my mind about the feelings I have for you!" "I can't see myself without you!" "You are everything I have ever needed!" "Why would I ever cheat on you!" I am not speaking about our earthly relationships, although it is funny how so many times we say these exact things to people we say we love.

In 33 years I have thought I was selfish with words like these. I have only shared them 3 times. And I have had 3 broken relationships. So, words are not everything unless they are backed by something. And that something cannot be GOOD INTENTIONS.

Sadly, my entire life I have been spewing empty promises, including to my Savior. All of those things we say to other people, mean nothing if we cannot follow through with them. In our sin nature, I do not believe anyone can follow through on a promise UNLESS God is the one guiding them. The moment sin nature takes control and someone stops dying to self, all they have to show for it is a bunch of empty WORD VOMIT.

I am realizing as I come back to my first Love, Jesus Christ, that all those promises I made to earthly lovers had no stick-to-tuity (my dad's clever word) because I was not fully grounded in the Love of Christ. Oh! Don't get me wrong, I sang His praises, and many times I was moved emotionally to make commitments to Him. Just as I was moved emotionally to make commitments to my past spouses.

Please read these words and then go study the verses for yourself that I share in the next paragraph. I am not writing this to be your Holy Spirit. I, above all, know that NO ONE can be your Holy Spirit. You will spew word vomit until you are blue in the face and stuck down a well deeper than you ever thought your sin could dig you until YOU allow the Holy Spirit to work His way in you. I am just here to plant a seed.

As several of my past pastors have said: what you FEEL is true and what God STATES is true are two different things at times (unless you are already focused on only God's truth. So two verses: The first is about WORD VOMIT.

Revelation 3:16
So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth.

This is talking about my life. I have been neither hot nor cold for many years now. One foot on the alter and the other in the world making decisions and promises that could not be kept because I was living a lukewarm fantasy. All of those promises I gave to my past relationships, while I meant them in my human feelings of the time, were not based on the True love of Christ because my HEART was not fully committed to my first Love. The one to teach about what Love really is, what it feels, how it behaves, how it doesn't lust or act in impatience...Wow. When I do not die to self daily, I cannot even begin to comprehend how God loves me. I am glad His grace and mercy are over me.

I could ramble for hours on this, but just go read it for yourself and ask God where if any place in your life are you trying to keep a part for YOU instead of giving it all to Him. Final verse of the day, I learned from my dad when I was a young teen. 2 Timothy 2:15
"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

Do not take what I say at face value! Go study it for yourself. I am human. I am of sinful nature. You should put NO ONE on a pedestal above God. Read, study this stuff for yourself always. You cannot rightly divide (or understand) the Word of God if you read someone else's words and then do not find out if they are grounded in the Truth of the Bible.

I pray God to work in my life and keep me from empty promises of this world that I may not cause pain to others anymore. I continually see His works and His love poured out on me and I am so grateful that He has taken me back as a prodigal son. "I am a child of the King. He loves me I know. And he never forsaketh His own. He will call me someday, to my home far away..." (an old song I just remembered from 5th grade)

Love in Christ, Karin

Monday, August 29, 2011

A Return to My First Love

Interesting that this is my first time being single in...oh my. *lol* 13 years! Yes, I have made a mockery of love and what I thought it was. As I read my ex-husband's blog, "Dating Detox" I realize that he is on to something very important. He may be shocked, but I must say, he has a great idea. Or actually, GOD does.

Recently, within the last few weeks, I have taken a new path...One I used to be on. To serve God use to be what I longed for. Then I strayed from my first Love. I am being as blunt as possible when I say that I am broken. I am the potter's clay in shards at His feet at the moment. But I KNOW my Lord forgives me of my past sins.

I have hurt many people in the last 13 years. My parents, my siblings, my ex's and now my best friend, all because of the most base of sins. Where it all began in the Garden of Eden...Selfishness.

Eve wanted what she should not have. She desired what God told her was not to be hers. She was selfish. Now I am not getting into who really was the one to bring sin into the world. I am just wanting to say that I realize my part in this sinful nature and I have taken what God told me not to. And now...well now I sit at the bottom of a well that I have landed in because of being unfaithful to my first Love.

Lately all of the scripture that I have been reading has been specific about God's steadfast love. It is so good to know that my First Love has not forgotten me, in fact, He has welcomed me back into His open arms and has showed me His love ten fold!

I can only pray that the stumbling block I have been in so many people's lives can be forgiven as I pray the Prayer of Jabez from now on in my life. I do not wish to cause pain to any. I am so happy to now come back to Jesus, broken relic that I am. I am His treasure and He loves me still with His steadfast Love.

Thank you for taking the time to read what is on my heart.


Saturday, March 12, 2011

Echoes of Emilee (The First Echo) NOW AVAILABLE!

The First Echo is out and ready for yor reading pleasure, whether by candle or moonlight. Enjoy!